


All That Remains

by uaigneach



Series: 2017 In-Class Works [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 00:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uaigneach/pseuds/uaigneach
Summary: Kakashi's musings at the memorial stone





	All That Remains

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is pretty bad and kinda really unconnected, but I wrote this in like 15 minutes in class and kinda gave up on direction. We're working on writing styles in English so stream of consciousness was on my mind. Sorry if it's trash but I thought I'd post in anyways. Maybe one person will be like 'yes, that is the fic I was looking for' or 'wow, now I know how NOT to write' whatever works.

Kakashi stared absently at the  stone in front of him. His vision was slightly blurred, and he honestly couldn't tell which stone he knelt in front of anymore. _They were all the same in the end._ Whether he stared for hours on end at the large memorial stones with countless names he knew and had long since memorized _Obito Rin Minato_ , or at one of the endless graves of those hadn't fallen in battle _Hatake Sakumo_ , or even just that damned Hokage monument with it's ever present and omnipotent watchers.. It was all the same emotionless rock.

It didn't mean anything anymore.

Kakashi was tired. tired of _livingbreathingkiling_ fighting. He just wanted to _stop_ but he can't because if he does then he thinks and if he thinks he remembers, He can't risk remembering for too long. He needed the distraction that mission provided - and if each one happened to have an incredibly high chance of ending his life, well no one dared comment. He was 16 years old now (Naruto would be 2 in a couple of months) and he'd been in anbu for... 4 years. That's already twice as long as the average shinobi.

He was even an anbu captain to boot (and had been for 3 years) which had an even bigger - almost 3 times - chance of being killed. It was a miracle that he'd lasted this long. Whether it be by falling in battle, or succumbing to the wounds of the mind, shinobi usually fell long before Kakashi had. He'd witnessed many of his team mates and subordinates crack, break, and burn out. they couldn't handle the pressure and back to back S-rank missions for 6 months straight. They started cracking after their first 6 months, and often shattered before their first year. Particularly those on Kakashi's team. While it was true he never let one of his comrades die (even when they might have preferred to), they often didn't have the mental fortitude to deal with the borderline suicidal missions that Kakashi and his team were inevitably assigned.

It had earned Kakashi some of his many less than flattering nick names. Friend Killer Kakashi. Poison. Death bringer. Inescapable. Cursed. Hatake. Robot. Suicidal. insane. Well that last one wasn't all that correct. While his comrades broke, Kakashi cracked too. Although, he was always diligent to piece himself together whenever he saw the hair line fractures grow. Unfortunately, he was forced to do so with whatever he had on hand; patching himself up with the blood and pain of his enemies and the cold unmoving inevitability of the memorial stone.

It earned him more and more rumours and stories and myths. Deadlier than the White Fang. Cold. Emotionless. Cruel. S-ranked. Blood thirsty. Demon. _Murderer._

But he pushed past it because a s long as he was needed he'd remain. He'd remain until the village no longer had any use for him... or he'd die before they had the chance to kill him like they did his father. So he trained and killed and filled his world with so much pain and loss it came close to overwhelming him. He was living the future. He even let Obito watch moment s with him; a glimpse of his clan, a flash of a happy civilian, and the terror of assassination.

 

The chirps shrieks of a thousand birds filled the room with sound and haunted his nightmares as bright white lightning lit up the earth. And no matter how many times he washed his hands, the blood never left. _Demon. Murderer._

 

He absently traced the kanji of Obito's name, feeling the smooth won granite glide under his gloved hand. No fingerprints, less blood on skin, less clean up. Rin's blood would never leave him. If he'd just seen it sooner. Maybe she wouldn't have had to die. Obito would have found a way to save her.

Obito would have done it better.

But Kakashi remained, the last survivor of the legendary heavy hitter genin team lead by the Yellow Flash and that was constantly followed by tragedy.

All Kakashi knew was death,  and war, and suffering. He'd long since forgotten love and happiness. But on the odd times he allowed himself to indulge and walk around the village, he saw as everyone moved on after the Kyuubi attack. He watched as people fell in love and had children and healed from their loss. So Kakashi remained and fought and _hurt_ , but they didn't have to and that was pretty okay.

Kakashi would continue to remain. He was still useful even if he was more patchwork and duct tape than tool at this point. He could still see the world; see the future. He could still show Obito what peace looked like, even if it was only a blink in time.

 

It was raining. How fitting that the weather reflect the mood. It was almost spring in Konoha, so it never really stopped raining. The land was still trying to hold onto the last drops of cold before giving way to rebirth. The cold drizzle had stopped affecting Kakashi hours ago. ~~He was a shinobi and he could endure.~~ The cold rain seemed to wash away all signs of warm crimson and for that he was grateful.

He looked up at the clouds, looking to the beam of light in the east that fell but a few miles from Konoha. He frowned, feeling the tug of wet cloth on his injuries, the cold liquid soothing the burn of freshly opened wounds. He'd have to get that checked out soon.

Taking one last look at the desolate stone, he began to make his way to anbu medical. He could leave his silent vigil for now. He would be back soon enough.


End file.
